At the end of the aisle

I think at an early age girls always dream of their wedding. For me, I always had an idea of what type of wedding I wanted, but never knew what type of guy would be standing at the end of the aisle waiting for me. When I fell in love with Joey, I knew he was going to be that man at the end of the aisle. We talked about the type of wedding we would have, and we weren't even engaged yet. I obviously come from a very small family and only have a few close friends that I could see being at my wedding, well Mr. Fischetti had a huge family and the amount of friends he had is crazy. Joey would always talk about how he would probably have twenty groomsmen and he would joke how I would probably have 5 bridesmaids. He was right, haha. Seeing the amount of people at his funeral I could only imagine the size of our wedding that we would of had. Which brings me to why I'm writing this blog, the day of his funeral has been on my mind.
At twenty-one, I was planning more of a future wedding then the love of my life's funeral. At twenty-one I was with his closest girlfriends trying on navy blue dresses for his funeral instead of what I really thought I would of been doing with his friends like saying yes to a white dress. Looking into that mirror trying on navy blue dresses, I remember just staring and saying to myself 'is this really happening.' His friends just saying that the dresses looked great on me, all I cared was that I wanted to Joey to look down on me and think that I was looking beautiful even though I was dying inside. Now, let me tell you, I walked down a aisle, in a beautiful cathedral. I walked down in my blue navy dress, I was walking down the aisle to say goodbye to Joey. He was the reason I was walking down that aisle, but it wasn't the reason I thought I would walk down the aisle for. His funeral was beautiful, and all of his family and friends from all over were there, I'll never forget walking out of the Cathedral holding on to his soon to be sister-in-law and just clenching her hand and crying so hard. Let me tell you, there are no words to describe the heartache that I felt or feel everyday. After his funeral we had a celebration of his life, gosh I met so many people and all because of how much Joey was loved. I sat down at the table for the whole time, and sat there and just thought how cruel and wrong this was. I wanted a wedding with Joey, I wanted a house, I wanted kids, I wanted the adventures and I wanted it all with Joey. I wanted to meet all of these wonderful people because they were there to celebrate the love that Joey and I shared.  It's funny how life is cruel and how things happen. It's funny how I got the dress and I got to walk down that aisle and it was all to say goodbye to the love of my life.
Next friday, March 20th 2015 will be two months, how? How has it been this long, it feels like yesterday. My days are going by so fast but yet so slow. My heart aches, and I don't lie when I say that, it does ache. I miss his corkyness and his smile, I wonder how I can be this strong...and it's because Joey is with me. He is in my smile when I tell stories of him and I or tell complete strangers about him and how amazing he is. He's always by my side.
Why did you have to leave?