That fixer upper...

The days do not get any easier, they say they will, but I don't believe them. It's just not fair, all of our plans have been taken away. The love of my life, my best friend have been taken away from me in a blink of an eye. There were two things that reminded me of you today, well more than that but these were my two favorite.
First one was, walking around the water today in our apartment complex and I noticed that one of the porches had the patio furniture we were going to buy 3 weeks ago. Thank God we didn't because we both know how I don't like having the same thing as other people so now, that is officially considered "BASIC" patio furniture.
Second thing was I saw the kids and Danny and Liz tonight. I see you, in Rocco so much and I promise, you will live on through me. Rocco and Izzy will know how much you love them.

Tomorrow night I leave for New York City, which I'm actually excited about. Janna bought the plane ticket and I know you will be with us the whole time, because you love the both of us to death. I've decided also that I am going to go ice skating since last month you and I didn't do that while we were in the city. There is snow on the ground and it's suppose to snow some more, which I know is your doing because you know I love the snow so much. I always bugged you about moving to NYC, but I also bugged you about moving back home to Gainesville or in our crazy world, moving to Italy.
I was happy being with you anywhere we lived. I hope you know that.

I cried on the way home from Danny's because I wanted what Danny and Liz have. The perfect family, and the perfect two kids! Every time I saw Joey with his nephew and niece I knew he was going to be the man that one day, down the road I would have kids with. Most of our conversations while we lay in bed was about what we would have when that one day came. The one night that stands out the most is on my 21st birthday when we went to St.Pete for First Friday. We sat down, at an outside table and talked for hours as if we just met!  We planned our whole entire future that night. We were going to have a huge house, but not a brand new house. We were going to be that couple that bought a fixer upper! Obviously our main priority of that house would be the kitchen to make sure that we had the best kitchen for Joey to cook in! We would have tons of land and a long drive way up to the house.
We didn't even know how many kids we wanted, we just wanted as many as God blessed us with. We knew that if we had a girl her name would be Milania or Ava and if we had a boy his name would be Giovanni or Joey Jr. clearly had to be an italian name. If God made us the next 19 kids and counting, we would of been fine with that. LOL. Joey would of been a great dad, he would of loved our kids like crazy and we pretty much already knew our kids were going to be spoiled and have everything in the world! We wanted the same things, some times we would have our moments when I was being stubborn or stressed out but you were my future and my whole entire world. I can't help but feel bitter...I wanted it all with you. I can't believe you were taken away from me, so fast... All I know is, we told each other a million times a day how much we loved each other, gave each other all the kisses we could give and showed our love for each other in weird ways. lol
I'm missing you so much, and it hurts so much. My heart literally hurts, and I'm here in this world..in a daze.

...Love you more and love you to the moon and back. 

"And that's just it, isn't it? That's how we manage to survive the loss. Because love, it never dies, it never goes away, it never fades, so long as you hang on to it.”