Tuesday Morning

Today is one week.
Woke up this morning and it felt just like our daily routine..except you weren't there and I was simply just getting ready by myself. I didn't have a million good morning kisses, or the smell of your aftershave  or better yet just didn't have you.  I'm sitting and waiting for my classes to start today and I just don't want to be here. I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown any minute, hence why I'm writing.
I can't believe I've gone a week without your voice, touch, smile or laughter. This feeling of you gone is a feeling like no other. I cried some last night and cried some on the way here....but I know you're here sitting right next to me, not allowing me to cry. You were always so positive and never once did I see you sad, so I know you're giving me that positive energy. I keep questioning if I'm not normal because I'm not laying in bed in the dark crying my eyes out. Thats what I feel like I should be doing, I question myself about why I'm not crying because I know I'm not okay. I feel like I'm stuck on a train that just doesn't stop, and it's passing everyone who is living.... I'm in this bubble, a bubble that used to be you and I..  I'll never say that I hurt the most or hurt the least but I can't help but look around at everyone that is grieving for you and just say to myself 'but did you lose your whole entire future, or every single plan or better yet the love of your life?'
I kept waking up last night because well one I was sleeping alone in our bed, and two I kept waking up to see if you were in the room. I know you aren't going to be there.

The other night when I was at the bar, I zipped up my purse that I bought in NYC, the one that broke right after I bought it. I wish you would of saw my face when I zipped it up because I know that it was you! We weren't able to fix that stupid purse even when we got back to Florida. I look at that purse now and I think I'm a crazy person because I'm saying that you fixed my stupid purse. I find the little things that remind me that you are still here with me...
Missing you so much
Love you More.